Dear Mr 500 and Ms 1k,

The two of you are now sum zero. ZERO. From hereon, you will be seen as the prime example of how to failao a raita.

In a split second, you have become a symbol of terror and panic. People who were hoarding you in their mattresses and underground bunkers are making a pyre of you, sending you down the ganges to commemorate your early demise or running helter skelter to replace you with more meaningful notes. People thought you would buy them security. Now there is only insecurity. How does it feel to wield such power over an entire nation? People are scurrying like little, helpless mice across the landscape, in search of ways to rid themselves of you. Shake you off their back. Slap you off their person. Its a full on maara maari dudes. That’s true Power. Sadar pranaam.

There is Mr 2k, of course. Very pricey. Very hard to get. He has a slightly warped fashion sense. Very pink and very tacky. And very big on selfies. He has stepped in to help tide over the difficult times. 2k for a vada pav and samosa. Nice.

Mr 500 and Ms 1K, your departure was received with jubilation and mass hysteria. People have been lining up in long, never ending queues feeling like they belong to a momentous and revolutionary chapter in history. A movement that will cleanse the nation of its grime. Make it shiny and new again. A nationalistic fervour has swept across the land and people are stoically sacrificing their time, their energy and even their lives. This sacrifice is rewarded with a limited token from their very own savings. Its so nice to have someone take charge of the nation’s bank balance and limit their spend. Varna hum toh besharmon ki tarah daal chawal aur bhaaji khareed rahe hote!

Mr 500 and Ms 1k, you have unleashed a debate so powerful that it is like stepping into a minefield. There are two clear factions – National and Anti-national. They spend their days judging each other and everyone else on the basis of their belief system. There is another large faction – its called, chutney- in-the-making (CITM). Interestingly, the CITM are the ones who believe that these ‘inconveniences’ will one day gift them a world where they can buy land, feed their families without worry and live a life of dignity. Last, but not the least, is the So-rich-i-don’t-care faction. They wince a little, shrug a little … life goes on. Just another blip in business, as usual.

Hopefully, India will soon be a shining example of a seamless transition into PayTm karo. Corruption will cease to exist. India will become the super power it was always meant to be. There will be equality.

The innumerable soldiers of our hinterland can then smile with pride. Their sacrifice would not have been in vain. Hopefully.

A surprised, befuddled, confused ….
tax paying Indian