For years I kept lining myself in anticipation of nurturing a living, breathing entity. Years went by but nothing happened. I kept lining and shedding … eternally hopeful … waiting, longing.
Somewhere the prolonged wait and hope soured into disappointment.
I have been withheld from following my natural course and the flush of hormones are beginning to get all mixed up and erratic. Soon the clockwork rhythm will stutter. Soon you will realise that it is the end of the road and there is no going back and I will remain unfulfilled this lifetime.
Despite my frustration and my feeling of rejection, I want you to know that I see your struggle. The world is a shitty place. Opinion, judgement and shaming are real and you are the one dealing with them. I’m working on my deep seated anger by letting go. I’m learning from you. Sometimes, you just take life in your stride and move on and find joy in what you have rather than what you don’t. And I have you.